An Interview with God

Sat here now, waiting for my coffee to transistion from lava to something that I can drink, a thought popped into my head that I thought needed adressing. After consult, I came to the conclusion there was something seriously wrong with my review of South Park in my last post. So in the spirit of the occassion I'm gona try again, this time though, reviewing something far simpler. Starbucks. That sexy mermaid has marked the captialist era perfectly, squirting her mermaid eggs, here, there and literally everywhere.

I sit opposite my guest for this morning, his name is americano and he is black. It must be poured out that starbucks is a pretty multicultural place, iced coffee sharing the board with potent espresso, paninnis sharing the fridge with cake, what the menu at starbucks represents is one of the worlds most diverse and peaceful societies, a eutopia. It may seem a little calous of me to compare the starbuck menu to the goal of all humanity, but I sure as hell feel at total peace when looking at it.

This paticular starbucks I'm at the moment, has been a haunt of mine for many enduring years, and it's always been a refuge. The decor is moderate and minimalist at best, it's very...anorexic. The atmosphere is of warm and nostril hugging coffee which is ofcourse always good.

The service here has always been decent, however I haven't visited in a while and it's gone a little downhill. Staff stand around like mothers in a playground gossiping and service is a little slower than I appreciate. But still, ok.

My dear friend Americano is making wonderful company and at £2 for a pond sized cup, it's wondeful value for money. Apart from the strange fishy smell that oozes like a cows uterus during labour, the taste and appearence all hit the bar.

Americano moved to the USA as a young boy and much like a Mario Puzo story he grew up to become a true Don. His presence is ominous, and to be fair, there is good reason. There are not many drinks left of the menu that have held their true identity, Americano is one of them. Descended origionally from the coffees of old, Americano has never been tainted by cream or a shot of vanillia. I really do live coffee and thi paticular coffee i tgink symbolises everything that Starbucks aims to be, simple, decent and everywhere (he just got spilt all over the table).

Starbucks has emerged quickly to become a pillar of any decent civilization, much like a hallmark, no town, no city is complete with out a Starbuck to fill you mug and suck dry your wallet. If there were a phrase to sum up what Starbucks is, well then it's Starbucks own motto "Its not just coffee it's Starbucks". Amen to that!

You’re Only as Old as You Feel

This is a momentous day for all…the readers of this blog, the privileged few.  My first proper review. Some may remember some time ago I wrote an article on a local pub of mine, I personally don’t really consider this a review, it was more of an angry rant mixed in with some slander, and a pinch of death threat. None the less, today I am actually going to attempt to write a proper review, in the words of my generation, OMG! I’ve spent a little time reading around, looking for what type of style I want this piece to conform to, I came to the conclusion it was either going to have to be the Empire style (review a really shit film and call it gold, just to get some exclusive access to James Cameron), and then of course there is the wildly offensive and simile heavy, scathing review, in which you’ve been so offensive that the only reason anyone invites to review their shit again, is because it gets good readership, or as I call it the AA Gill. I’m going for something in between.  

[SPOILER ALERT! If you haven’t seen this week’s South Park…well I am going to ruin it for you, so either continue reading or click on some of my ads.] The mid-season finale of South Park this week was entitled ‘Your Getting Older’, and invited us to Stan’s 10^th Birthday. Now, because I am incapable of spending the next few sentences explaining the opening like an interior decorator describing the soft furnishing she’s chosen, let’s just cut the shit. Stan starts disliking things he used to like, and is diagnosed with cynicism. Randy (Stan’s Dad) tries to stay youthful by embracing the sounds of tween wave music. And Sharon (Stan’s Mum) is on her period. We all know what it’s like to get older (except of course you Benjamin Button-mofo!), and Stan is no exception this episode saw him turn on the music he loved, the food he loved, and LA Noire, for Stan it’s all just a big pile of shit. Sadly, it only gets worse for the salt shaker of a boy. After a growing tension between the two Randy and Sharon are getting a divorce and it’s through an unusually serious and emotional conversation that the couple have, that we hear what may define the shows future and what will define this episode. Sharon talks of being bored, and unable to carry on. Much like a Lemony Snickett story, South Park has been the home to 15 years of bizarre, sycophantic, and damn hilarious characters and stories, but it is possible the events of the recent episode signify the last season of the show…ever!   

I don’t want to sadden you too much so we will continue; my highlight of the whole episode has to be the cynical old men, the saviour of britches everywhere, and more possibly the closest thing to two characters that resemble Parker and Stone, to ever appear on the show. After a few questionable episodes this season, Parker and Stone have really pulled it back, the execution of this mass shitting was perfect, yes that is correct, a near perfect episode. Funny yet meaningful, this episode may indeed be the beginning of the end, but until that day comes I can say with pride, I consider myself a devout resident of South Park.

Coming Soon...

I thought it was the right time of the year to give you an idea of what's coming up this summer, so here we go...

I thought it would be a good idea to finally get a review or two done. I haven't quite yet worked out what, but as any decent human being does, I'll make it up on the spot. Perhaps a film and a TV review. The purpose being, I like films, I like TV and i like my own opinion, so what better a way to combine them.

As the TV season comes to an end, this is the perfect opportunity to do a review. Yes there are shows that are still running and some yet to begin (i can only think of one, but I'm looking so forward to the new season of breaking bad, I'm dedicating this whole point to it). There is the sad prospect of South Park coming to an end, and after this weeks totally awesome episode, it's only fitting that my first review be dedicated to that (I literally just decided that here).

I'm also considering a restraunt review, another of my tender, loving hobbies is to eat in places and complain how bad the food is, and whether the waitress is a lesbian or not. In short restraunt review is also on the to do list.

So make sure to look out for my South Park review sometime soon (maybe even today if i can drink enough coffee)